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Valentine Funny Messages

Browse our collection of handpicked valentine funny messages here. Send the best valentine funny messages to your loved ones!

♥♥’A kiss is an application on the top floor a job in the basement.’ Unknown
♥♥“I love you a lot. Especially when you aren’t annoying me to death. Happy Valentines Day.”
♥♥“When I think of Valentine’s Day, I don’t usually think of a flying toddler shooting me in the butt with arrows”
♥♥“I worked hard trying to think of what to write in your card, really. Then I just ‘googled’ it. Happy Valentine’s Day”
♥♥“Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.”Zora Neale Hurston
♥♥“As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words.” William Shakespeare
♥♥“Love is like war. Easy to begin with but hard to end” Unknown
♥♥‘We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.’ Tim McGraw
♥♥“The Eskimos have 52 words for snow because it is so special to them; there ought to be as many for love.” Margaret Atwood
♥♥“Take away love and our earth is a tomb.” Robert Browning
♥♥“We have many Valentines days under our belts… literally and figuratively. I guess the chocolates add up over time. Happy Valentine’s day, and another one under our belts.”
♥♥‘Love – a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.’
♥♥“The only reason I celebrate Valentine’s Day is to keep it from turning into sleep-on-the-couch night.”
♥♥‘I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.’ Anonymous
♥♥“I can’t think of any reasons to not love you.”
♥♥“Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times.” Rita Rudner
♥♥“Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.” Judith Viorst
♥♥‘Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.’ Aristotle
♥♥“Roses are red, violets are blue, Happy Valentines day, I love this really cool person with a great smile, cool personality, a sense of humor, and it isn’t you. Just kidding.”
♥♥’Falling in love is so hard on the knees.’ Aerosmith
♥♥‘Friendship is one mind in two bodies.’ Mencius
♥♥“To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.” David Viscott
♥♥‘The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.’ Ann Landers.
♥♥‘Sales Ad at a Store: ‘You are my one and only’ valentine cards, now on sale: 4 for $5.’ Anonymous
♥♥“Love is a game that two can play and both win.” Eva Gabor
♥♥“One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of love with him, or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until maybe you fall in again.” Judith Viorst
♥♥‘A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years…’ Rupert Brooke
♥♥“Once you have loved someone, you’d do anything in the world for them except love them again” Unknown
♥♥“I’m wishing you a happy Valentine’s day, because it’s the only way I’ll have a happy Valentine’s day.”
♥♥“Love is not singular except in syllable.” Marvin Taylor
♥♥“When you’re in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks.” Natalie Clifford Barney
♥♥‘If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?’ Anonymous
♥♥‘I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.’ Dorothy Parker.
♥♥“Love, and a cough, cannot be hid.”George Herbert
♥♥‘Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.’ Groucho Marx.
♥♥‘You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.’ Chico Marx
♥♥‘Women are cursed, and men are the proof.’ Rosanne Barr.
♥♥‘My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.’ Rita Rudner.
♥♥‘All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt…’ Lucy Van Pelt, Peanuts
♥♥‘Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.’ Anonymous
♥♥“What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.” Pearl Bailey
♥♥‘Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house.’
♥♥‘Love is like a river, always changing, but always finding you again somewhere down the road.’ Kelly Elaine
♥♥‘A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.’ Arturo Toscanini
♥♥’ Love is just a chocolate substitute.’ Melanie Clark
♥♥‘Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say.’ Anon
♥♥“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” Erich Segal
♥♥‘My father always used to say that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life.’ Lee Iacocca
♥♥“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” Lynda Barry
♥♥‘When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.’ Mark Twain
♥♥“Love doesn’t grow on trees like apples in Eden – it’s something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too.” Joyce Carol Oates
♥♥‘It’s not that I can’t live without you…it’s just that I don’t even want to try.’
♥♥“We don’t believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.” Marie Ebner von Eschenbach
♥♥“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” Groucho Marx
♥♥‘A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; A woman loses hers after four. kisses.’ H.L. Mencken
♥♥‘I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.’
♥♥‘One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.’ Sophocles
♥♥‘Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.’ John Waters
♥♥“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” Lily Tomlin
♥♥’ Take my wife-please.’ Groucho Marx.
♥♥“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” James Thurber
♥♥“Most people don’t know this, but “Happy Valentine’s Day” spelled backwards is “Yad Senitnelav Yppah,” which means “You Stupid Sucker” in Cherub language. Cupid told me.”
♥♥“Love is being stupid together.”Paul Valery
♥♥‘I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that, they just about throw up.’ Barbara Bush.
♥♥“Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.” Unknown
♥♥‘Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.’ Happy Valentines Day. (note to her gardener) Martha Stewart
♥♥’ I wasn’t kissing her. I was just whispering in her mouth.’ Albert Einstein
♥♥‘I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine’s day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it’s these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.’ Anonymous
♥♥“Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.” Jay Leno
♥♥“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.” Peter Ustinov
♥♥‘Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.’ Mickey Rooney.
♥♥‘It takes a lot experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner.’ Ingrid Bergman
♥♥“I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said, ‘Take my heart ! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.” Robert Orben
♥♥’ I feel great and I kiss even better.’ Unknown
♥♥“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” Pablo Picasso
♥♥“Love wouldn’t be blind if the Braille weren’t so damned much fun.” Unknown
♥♥‘Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.’ Unknown
♥♥“You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.” Dolly Parton
♥♥“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up is the brain empties.” Anonymous
♥♥‘If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.’
♥♥‘Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.’ Thomas Robert Dewar
♥♥‘If you walk in front of me, I may not follow. If you walk behind me, I may not lead. If you walk beside me, I will be your friend.’ Albert Camus
♥♥‘Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.’ Hoosier Farmer
♥♥“Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house.”Unknown
♥♥‘Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control’
♥♥‘Women with pasts interest men… they hope history will repeat itself.’ Mae West.
♥♥’Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.’ Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.
♥♥“Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life” Lord Byron

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